How to Keep Away from Affairs, by Relationship Gardener, Shannon Batts
When we depend on our marital happiness to keep a partner from straying into an affair, one HUGE piece is missing: affairs are boundary crossings. Crossing the line in most cases starts with friendships that snowball from things like innocent private coffee breaks to discuss work, then idealizing each other, starting to compare your mates and imagining you'd be better off with this or some other new person, then the wall goes up.
Here is a significant shift that can affair proof your relationship-never put a wall up between you and your mate. Or if it is too late, shift it over between you and the affair partner. The wall is not just turning away but secrecy. Most people can't keep secrets like this from the betrayed partner forever-so all hell is about to break loose for you if you are living a double life. The research tells us that very few affairs move on to marriage and if they do, then the divorce rate is even higher than first marriages. Recovery requires two very committed spouses and total vulnerability as to confessing what happened without being forced to tell because your mate hired a spy. Coming clean under pressure of a spy is fine too but the more the cheating spouse owns up, the better chances of healing the marriage-in time.
Back to the coffee break. Vary who your breaks are with and keep your connections with folks who are friends of your marriage, not those who disparage your mate, or fidelity in general.
Try total exposure: your internet conversations, your mail, the details of your conversations with friendly people, your texts. Keep that book open to your mate and the wall stays down between you. Having nothing to hide is the key. Let me know if I can be of any help. See you soon, Shannon.
