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Looking for a COUPLE'S session? Counseling for couples is on hiatus for 2025.
Groups, retreats, clinical hypnosis, and presentations continue. Read on if you'd like some insider info on better relationships and specific recommended books. 
With So Many Gottman (the Gold Standard of Science for Couples) Books, Here Are My Favorites... Anyone who wants to know how to make a relationship better...read on. Do you have a good relationship, and want a wise guide, due to being bombarded by life events? You might be a perfect candidate for DIY friendly resources... Maybe one of you is coming out trans, or smacked down by Long COVID, or under the duress of fascism in America? If one is the cis spouse-check out Spouses Group. Sometimes even the best of couples have that one topic we just can't get through well yet without better strategies, and tools. This is a totally doable skill! Here's a resource for getting collaborative in your conflict Fight Right, How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection Or, maybe you think you had a good marriage but then found out your partner was having an affair? Did you know affair recovery or affair prevention has very specific steps? This is gut wrenching recovery. The steps and phases are clear and can be started right away. You might find the Shirley Glass book Not Just Friends or Gottman's What Makes Love Last? to be helpful. Some singles are tired of relationships not working out and need a debrief of past ones, or what to look for in the next one. You could look over the Eight Dates listed on this page or my favorite since it applies to a variety of kinds of relationships although a bit heterocentric -check out Relationship Cure Or are you here just for the chicken video from over 10 years ago? You'll have to find it below and I am leaving it there even though I get a little weird in it. Sometimes I give in to my inner muppet. Blame vintage Sesame Street. I do miss my favorite chicken in that video, Athena (RIP). How Do I Make My Marriage Better? Weed out the mess and seed great relationship strategies so you can keep everything growing well. Very specific things need to be weeded out, and very specific habits need to planted on in. You can learn this! For a friendly recent Gottman book that centers around several deep conversation focused dates you are urged to do, get Eight Dates, Essential Conversations For a Lifetime of Love That's my favorite wedding or engagement gift to give-increase the odds that couple will live happily ever after. How is this relationship relief possible? What's the secret to better relationships? The difference is that we are no longer guessing. The science has been clear for decades in bringing all those happy relationship skills to many couples. The secret is there is no secret. Just like planting a real garden in the ground-you can wing it and have some to no luck, or you can learn, apply yourself, get better at it till you got it! A sense of humor helps (laughing with not at), but that's my bias. Here are some specifics to head for... Learn how to talk about hard topics with your loved ones so that you can have a stronger, healthier relationship that can withstand hard times, and free you up to be the best you possible, to devote yourselves to your life's mission or passion. Did you know there is a communication safety net you have to create first before you even start working on your list of what needs addressing? This is one of several new habits that a savvy counselor would roll out in your 1st session and is in all the Gottman books as the Flood Plan. Have you every thought maybe this relationship is one you can invest in making healthy from as early as the engagement? Move your engagement over to the Happily Ever After path with research confirmed best communication strategies. Get that 8 Dates book! Learn specifically what to avoid to stay off the early and late divorce path. Do you know what those differences are? Catch up. The first and still classic among couples guidance that is steeped in higher quality research that has stood up for decades- get yourself the latest edition of Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work HOW YOU CAN HELP THROUGH DONATIONS I have flexible rates for all clients in Oregon or California where I am licensed. To have a solid commitment to lowering barriers to getting support for relationships, my groups from the very beginning have been by donation. Black clients received anti-racism grounded free (some prefer to donate) relationship support as available. Since 2018 I committed to being a trained, volunteer facilitator (100s of hours donated) for RaceTalksPDX, and developed and led my own antiracism group for white people, Accountability Friends of the Anarchist Jurisdiction. Just kidding. It is called Accountability Friends' Antiracism Group. We can do this work 1 on 1 too. White people faced their white fragility and bubbles, and became more aware and committed, active anti-racists even when they started out thinking, "Im not racist," but still had some changes to make. As one of the RaceTalksPDX team of consultants, I am bringing to forums and workshops around the world-awareness and savvy to overcoming white supremacy, and encouraging navigating life as BIPOC with greater support and resources. On the RT team, I facilitated for lawyers and judges, new student university workshops, international mental health research conventions, community mental health international symposiums, and a police, mayor, and community activist forum. Don't believe it when people say race and privilege are too hot to talk about. Many all around the world are building new understanding, relationships and actions for racial justice especially in the onslaught of fascism. White folks need to explore own bias and supremacy so as to do something about the harm, intentional or not. If any of these things are important to you, you can hit these donate buttons and look at some options-share your resources in support of the above and more. When you make a donation I'd love it if you'd email me so I know who it is from and what your donation is about. Donate here via Square Donate here via Paypal |
NOT TYPICAL MARRIAGE COUNSELING! Most marriage help really bombs and that is a fact, Jack! When surveyed most licensed counselors say they see couples and almost none have the training, even in grad school!!!!!!! So if your partner says they don't want to talk to me because marriage counseling sucks, tell them I agree with them. That is why I don't do typical marriage counseling. We don't get swallowed up by the past, we don't have a passive watching you argue kind of session, & we don't only learn to listen better. WHAT IS IT LIKE TO HAVE THIS KIND OF COUPLE'S SESSION? Think of this kind of input as an interactive class with things to do based on real people's success and help doing it on the spot. Think of personal training when you have a plan of action and you do your fitness routine daily. Couples have very doable home relationship fitness to do daily that draws you closer. It's important not just for your day to day quality of life together, but it is required so your conflict skills will work (or the new ones you are about to learn can be used successfully). That's what the research taught us-build the positive day to day skills, then the rest is more likely to go better. We WILL get your stuff unpacked so that you can let it go if you have distressing events that have occurred, but in a way that you do it with each other with help at first (or till you can do it on your own) and get real understanding, validation and teamwork FROM EACH OTHER!! Isn't that beautiful!?! WHAT ARE THE GOALS FOR COUPLES? Let's get you the tools that we have gleaned from happy relationships so you can shift your communication at home for:
Covid conscious? Got Long Covid? Remember when we started with the fabric masks? Plenty of studies confirm that respirators (not fabric, nor the surgical or "baggie blues") like N95s or Kn95s cut down aerosols-how viruses (not just Covid, but flu, measles, TB, etc) travel about and in some cases linger in the air for hours. Relationship Gardening offers are all Covid conscious, masks (respirator types) in use when in person.
WHAT ABOUT COMING OUT TRANSGENDER IN MARRIAGE?
Many don't come out for years in a marriage-and just stay miserable or closeted, sometimes even to themselves for fear of losing their very loved partner. Your relationship needs the positive support for what is next and that is hard to find. Support does exist and many couples find their way together and wouldn't choose anyone else than each other for their happily ever after. As a couples' specialist for decades, I've found that professional, savvy support for couples staying together while undergoing gender transition, and for spouses navigating all the changes, can be just the boost needed to keep on with your life long love together. I created support groups just for these couples and a separate one for supportive spouses. Support groups remain active via video meetings and outdoor retreats. All groups are by suggested donation. Go to the SPOUSES RESOURCE CENTER page for more on supportive offers for those in relationships that have one person coming out transgender. DISTANCE SESSIONS ( Click here: What is a Distance Session including video chat?) EVENTS Fun and engaging presentations are offered and can be arranged for your group, party, religious group, class, or organization e.g, an outdoor House party with demos, how fun! All offered as a masked, socially distanced outdoor gathering, or via online video meeting. WALK N Talk -walking counseling or consultation sessions in or near Portland, OR, masked and distanced for when you are all zoomed out. (Walk & Talk) |
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EXPLORE the tabs, or use this concise list: Couples Communication: How to process together your conflict through an Aftermath Live Demo Workshop for most couples https://relationshipgardening.com/relationship-workshops.html Transgender in Couples or Marriage https://relationshipgardening.com/trans-in-couples.html Couples and Family of Transitioning Gender https://relationshipgardening.com/partners-of-transgender.html Partners of Trans or Non Binary Seeking Online Support see this encouraging message https://relationshipgardening.com/partners-of-transgender-online-support.html Reviews https://relationshipgardening.com/couples-therapist-reviews-portland.html MORE relationship events, classes, groups https://relationshipgardening.com/relationship-support-events-225015.html Rethinking Psychiatry and video https://relationshipgardening.com/rethinking-psychiatry-alternatives.html Shannon's favorite resources, referrals, extra Rethinking Psychiatry links https://relationshipgardening.com/resourcesevents.html Marriage Help Gift video has a Black Australorp as co-host! Watch for Athena... |
This opt in box "Love Habits" is under updating construction.
"Love Habits" INSTANT ACCESS to communication excellence: *to keep your relationship thriving *for conflict savvy *for building trust *for better friendships *for marriage repair *for relationship success *for growing healthy connections Place your email address in the blue box! I promise it's bigger on the inside. |
NEWS! State Licensing Board clarifies that someone from ANY state, not just Oregon can visit in person an Oregon licensed professional! Currently, in person applies to the Walk and Talks and some groups and events.
I also have a CA LMFT license and can see Californians that qualify for remote, distance, video sessions for counseling or coaching.
OR and CA residents can inquire about receiving remote, distance, video, telehealth (common terms used) counseling services with me.
I also have a CA LMFT license and can see Californians that qualify for remote, distance, video sessions for counseling or coaching.
OR and CA residents can inquire about receiving remote, distance, video, telehealth (common terms used) counseling services with me.
