Relationship Gardening

Why all this talk about evicting criticism? Criticism is one of the 4 big poisons that wears away your love connection. That is my driving reason, but why now is about my first tweets ever this week! @LoveHabits.

May I introduce you to my latest reviews? http://relationshipgardening.com/content/reviews-relationship-gardening-...
"Best of the Best" is the newest one from a therapist who took her turn in the client seat.
If you know someone in a struggling marriage, have them take a look around, ask them what they think. Gotta plant the seed before it can grow. See you soon, love and peace, Shannon.

Do you have to brace yourself to hang out with family? I started wondering what was the point of going at all to family events if it came with the emotional price tag. If your aha involves no longer being obligated to crummy treatment, perhaps you'd like to go outside the box.

OUT OF THE BOX. If your family is in the emotionally hard to bear category and you are new at establishing limits in the moment, or they just insist on being rude no matter what you do, this OUT OF THE BOX idea may be your jump start!

DISSOLVE THE DYSFUNCTION. What emotional traps have you inherited? What are your family rules that mess up holidays? Like a pro and con list, make 2 columns with old rules on one side. Whenever you recall a bad scene, go back to your list and add the rule that drives this scene.

CRAFT A NEW RULE that would be a healthy alternative and put that in the new rule side. These new rules are like affirmations. "I put my own oxygen mask on first." "My thoughts and feelings are important and respected." "I am loved and respected just as I am." Which new rule do you need next?

GO BOLD
One gal asking for advice on a social networking site about a good way to handle an Obnoxious Relative at holiday gatherings got my GO BOLD idea. She was wracked with hurt and fear about how he typically made too personal of comments about her and that no matter how assertive or limit setting, she could count on his negative remarks about her body. (This was not counseling, just a stranger seeking ideas of what to say.)

He: "You look like you gained weight."

Do you take your dose of insults or criticism from family for the sake of keeping the peace? What about being contorted into an identity that isn't truly yours? Is it wearing you out trying to make everyone happy except yourself? Is it worth it? Do you want to exercise courage and take your next best steps? Read on for insights, ideas and sample phrases just in time for your Christmas gatherings!

UNCLE KNOWS-BETTER-THAN-YOU

The many videos circulating including the ones I linked to in my prior Trans Awareness Week blog post show people using a term "Gender Identity Disorder," a diagnostic label which is no longer in use.

The diagnostic label of "Gender Identity Disorder" is replaced now with "Gender Dysphoria" and gets a bit of tweaking.

Trans Awareness Week sprouted from the first Day of Remembrance in honor of Rita Hester, the 4th transwoman in 4 years murdered near Boston in the 90's.
 The candlelight vigil that was held on the one year anniversary of her death morphed into a worldwide memorial service for those who have been killed as a result of transphobia, or the hatred or fear of transgender and gender non-conforming people. The Day of Remembrance also serves to bring attention to the continued violence endured by the transgender community.

She reminded me of my father-when he was young before he overdosed to death. Sweet, sensitive, introverted (getting refueled by being alone and exploring creativity), smart, and wanting better for her kid, but feeling very stuck I was thinking how freaky this is-that there is a chance at any time for an alcoholic not to lose everything. I have thought about this a lot in my life-but to meet one on the cusp like this made me wish that my father could have heard what I was about to say to my client.