Relationship Gardening

Do the rules in your family cause too much pain for you? Do you take your dose of insults or criticism, or being contorted into an identity that isn't truly yours for the sake of keeping the peace? Is trying to make everyone happy except yourself wearing you down? Is it worth it? Do you want to exercise courage and take your next best steps? Read on for insights, ideas and sample phrases just in time for your Christmas gatherings!

UNCLE KNOWS-BETTER-THAN-YOU

The many videos circulating including the ones I linked to in my prior Trans Awareness Week blog post show people using a term "Gender Identity Disorder," a diagnostic label which is no longer in use.

The diagnostic label of "Gender Identity Disorder" is replaced now with "Gender Dysphoria" and gets a bit of tweaking.

Trans Awareness Week sprouted from the first Day of Remembrance in honor of Rita Hester, the 4th transwoman in 4 years murdered near Boston in the 90's.
 The candlelight vigil that was held on the one year anniversary of her death morphed into a worldwide memorial service for those who have been killed as a result of transphobia, or the hatred or fear of transgender and gender non-conforming people. The Day of Remembrance also serves to bring attention to the continued violence endured by the transgender community.

She reminded me of my father-when he was young before he overdosed to death. Sweet, sensitive, introverted (getting refueled by being alone and exploring creativity), smart, and wanting better for her kid, but feeling very stuck I was thinking how freaky this is-that there is a chance at any time for an alcoholic not to lose everything. I have thought about this a lot in my life-but to meet one on the cusp like this made me wish that my father could have heard what I was about to say to my client.

Does porn get in the way of intimacy with the partner of your own life?
Breaking the cycle is a matter of changing your mind and making a new choice. But how do you get there from your dopamine rush being connected to impersonal sex to getting enough pleasure from your actual relationship and activities of meaning and purpose in your life?

George Collins, therapist founder of the outpatient Compulsive Solutions in the SF Bay Area, authored Breaking The Cycle (my favorite recommended book for Portland, Oregon counseling clients navigating from sexual addiction to freedom from shame).

All couples with too much criticism and not enough connection-stop suffering and launch some marriage repair already!   Haven't you suffered enough? Marriage can be more than an endurance sport of how long you can last either alienated and leading lonely parallel lives, or tangled up in negativity. Get thee to a Gottman trained marriage counselor!   Couples hobble in on hurt feelings and begin transforming the very first week into better friends.

Do you know what lowers symptoms of depression? Walking! That is what a UK medical research team confirmed when they combed through over 14 thousand articles for their systematic review and meta-analysis published last year in the Journal of Mental Health and Physical Activity. In fact around the world walking is emerging as a fabulous alternative to psychiatric medications, not just because of the effectiveness but also as a safe option. Walking so far doesn't need a black box warning about increasing suicide.

Marriages in or near divorce, literally already been to court once, lifelong negative patterns, can counseling help? Once you are sure the counselor knows the research and its related tools from the Gottman Institute (the world's leading source for research on relationships), then your chances got boosted from not likely to OMG, miracles happen.