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That's me, Shannon, on the left with my dreamboat, Nick, now married over 26 years through thick and thin.
Turning 50 got me thinking more about ways to awaken my sometimes dormant creativity which as you can see led to the purple hair. From the first few hours of my daughter's life when she was held up face to face by a minister friend, Sandie, also a mother, the seeds of a birth blessing were planted, "Be who you are." We face challenges that make it hard to just be, and we overcome. If you need a mentor, counselor, someone to coach you towards your best self, try out stress reducing strategies, and in my specialty, your best marriage with solid tools-I'm here. Read on if you want to hear about my personal motivation for specializing in marriage counseling, my background, and more... |
Happily ever after requires positivity in great quantities every day all through the decades!
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For same gender couples,
stress reducing communication is even more important. You have enough crud thrown at you for being gay, your home base needs to be a great place to land. 
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Good marriages have healthy habits from the very first date. You can even screen out the divorce prone by your date's style of everyday communication. A keeper is usually that way from the start. It's all learnable though for most people. For many, healthy marriage habits are an acquired skill. Pick up the marriage research books of Dr. John Gottman to get all the skinny-or talk with me to see how to have good love habits!
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What Is This All About?
We get down to some real help for real people-not just a great idea or the latest self-help bestseller.
Find what matters in relationships, lesbian, gay, straight, or transgender according to some of the best science done to figure it all out, and build your happily ever after.
Why? A Personal Message
I don't want you to be stuck one more day. I know it is painful and siphons off your energy, creativity, joy and health to name a few, to be stuck in a miserable rut. I have been there stumbling through teenage and young adult relationships running on the fumes of being raised by wolves. Just about everyone I knew was breaking up right and left, had NO idea about how to keep a good love connection going, how to talk about disagreements well, or how to find someone who can talk about important relationship experiences, how to keep things out in the open instead of hiding, or how to build a really fun and passionate forever after without sacrificing trust. I had to LEARN how to keep a happy marriage which is how I know for sure it can be done.
When I went through several misery making or frustrating relationships with men who were deceptive, duplicitous, avoidant, withholding, too afraid to talk openly, and/or shaming/punishing, I made a life changing decision. I decided that I would no longer settle. The next man I dated was going to be someone who knew my true amazing value, and could have an adult relationship-really. An upgrade. Yet, how would we make it work?
In 1994, my Mr. Forever After showed up in his personal ad in an actual newspaper (before social media and smartphones). Even with all the hilarity of so much in common, we both sought to upgrade our relationship savvy knowing nothing had worked before with others. Then, the Gottman Institute dropped a game changer for my profession and my marriage too. Making it last or divorcing comes with very specific habits that were discovered in the study of actual couples. Before that, marriage counseling had dismal results of 7% after a year.
That was the critical moment for my path in 2 ways-deciding that I was going to do my part in delivering proven help to couples who are stuck-and to specialize so I could be really good at it!
See why I am so optimistic about repairing and restoring marriages?
Contact me today to get your coaching set up for Walk and Talk, or video chat, or to ask questions.
Ways to reach me, Shannon Batts, Relationship Gardener:
We get down to some real help for real people-not just a great idea or the latest self-help bestseller.
Find what matters in relationships, lesbian, gay, straight, or transgender according to some of the best science done to figure it all out, and build your happily ever after.
Why? A Personal Message
I don't want you to be stuck one more day. I know it is painful and siphons off your energy, creativity, joy and health to name a few, to be stuck in a miserable rut. I have been there stumbling through teenage and young adult relationships running on the fumes of being raised by wolves. Just about everyone I knew was breaking up right and left, had NO idea about how to keep a good love connection going, how to talk about disagreements well, or how to find someone who can talk about important relationship experiences, how to keep things out in the open instead of hiding, or how to build a really fun and passionate forever after without sacrificing trust. I had to LEARN how to keep a happy marriage which is how I know for sure it can be done.
When I went through several misery making or frustrating relationships with men who were deceptive, duplicitous, avoidant, withholding, too afraid to talk openly, and/or shaming/punishing, I made a life changing decision. I decided that I would no longer settle. The next man I dated was going to be someone who knew my true amazing value, and could have an adult relationship-really. An upgrade. Yet, how would we make it work?
In 1994, my Mr. Forever After showed up in his personal ad in an actual newspaper (before social media and smartphones). Even with all the hilarity of so much in common, we both sought to upgrade our relationship savvy knowing nothing had worked before with others. Then, the Gottman Institute dropped a game changer for my profession and my marriage too. Making it last or divorcing comes with very specific habits that were discovered in the study of actual couples. Before that, marriage counseling had dismal results of 7% after a year.
That was the critical moment for my path in 2 ways-deciding that I was going to do my part in delivering proven help to couples who are stuck-and to specialize so I could be really good at it!
See why I am so optimistic about repairing and restoring marriages?
Contact me today to get your coaching set up for Walk and Talk, or video chat, or to ask questions.
Ways to reach me, Shannon Batts, Relationship Gardener:
- You can email: couplescoach at gmail dot com, or the top right contact link.
- Or call 503-348-0405 and leave a message
All About Me (ha, ha, it really is...well much of this page is...)
EDUCATION AND LICENSING
After my Bachelor's in Child Development, I earned my Master's in Counseling with Marriage and Family emphasis, and I have 2 licenses. For Californians, I have a Marriage and Family Therapy license (LMFT MFT34477), and in Oregon I have a Professional Counselor's license (LPC C2379).
GOTTMAN STUFF
The exciting part came after all that grad schooling -- receiving training by Dr. John Gottman with the Gottman Relationship Institute, from which I learned all the cool research-related stuff that makes a HUGE difference in making marriage work. I received Level 1 training back in 2000 when it was a combination of 2 levels. In 2010 I took part in the first ever Science of Trust in Seattle-the Gottmans spending the day with professionals like me to reveal their findings and protocols on affairs, betrayals, porn addiction and rebuilding trust. In 2011, I did Level II Advanced Training in Gottman Method Couples' Therapy: Assessments, Interventions and Co-Morbidities. And I was in San Diego in 2015 attending the then new Gottman workshop to assist Couples in Recovery from addictions.
Some have asked me why I am not on the Gottman Referral Network list. I am not interested in paying the required $$$ per month to do so, but I was one of the first Level 2 clinicians invited to by the institute. The Advanced training certificate is in my office or in the photo here if you wish to look 'er over, although it does not make me a "Certified" Gottman couples therapist which is reserved for those who have done the final track of training- a supervision track requiring submitting videos of sessions, for example. I only felt comfortable sharing videos (with permission of course) as a student where folks enter into the counseling knowing counselors are supervised, sometimes live or by making video samples and sharing with the supervisor or supervision group. It is much dfferent now as a therapist with a clientele that expects and receives the utmost in guarding privacy, many around transgender coming out events.
Word of mouth of my success with couples having one person coming out as transgender really cements my decision not to ask my clients to share videos of their sessions-privacy is sometimes also about life preserving safety.
For 14 years I provided Gottman Institute marriage assessment packs to my clients, but as of 2015, I am an Approved Member of the Gottman Relationship Check-up option, a couple's assessment for getting your marriage checked out much quicker than the old school paper copy method. This option is only available through a licensed clinician, who can refer you to (as of 2020) a new streamlined edition. The new edition is the Enhanced Relationship Check Up. You can get research derived and validated information about your strengths and areas that need work pronto by completing the questionnaires online and returning to the referring therapist to discuss the findings.
WHY A MARRIAGE FRIENDLY THERAPIST?
According to Dr. Bill Dougherty, 80% of therapists surveyed said they treat couples and almost none of them had any training. This is dangerous to couples to consult with a professional who is doing what feels good or what they guess at is helpful without knowing and using the existing research. Seek out counselors who have training. Ask about it: what it is-what was the gist of it? How does the counselor's couples' training stand apart as truly useful to relationships?
I figured-why mess around with the lives, hearts, time, trust of couples by just doing whatever sounds good? I look to the leader in expert knowledge on couples-The Gottman Institute and learn from the best in the world.
For years I was on the National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists-originally the Dr. Bill Dougherty screened list-because I am an advanced couples' therapist with education, training, licensure, skills and philosophy that if you come for help as a couple, that you should get help making that relationship work. A broken marriage is not reason for a therapist to encourage divorce, or abdicate the job of repair. I expect that if you are coming in for assistance, it is likely your marriage is in crisis-and that is what I do-deliver solid understanding and tools to repair or support you through.
These results or any others are not guaranteed.
MIND OVER MOOD
I have also had cognitive (looking at how thoughts drive moods) therapy training by Christine Padesky, of the Newport Beach Cognitive Therapy Institute back in the 90's. Dr Padesky authored a practical book and workbook (among many others) to help depression and anxiety states, Mind Over Mood.
DR. MICHAEL YAPKO, Clinical Hypnosis and Strategic Psycotherapy Training.
A dream come true-being in this 100+ hours of training over more than half of 2022 with the world's leader in training therapists in hypnosis. The first thing I learned is how hypnosis is amplifying what you want to have improve in your life through a focusing experience-much like guided imagery or conversational meditation with specific goals you create. The practicing I am doing so far is a messy combination of stumbling around while learning and seeing benefits in all of us from even newbie hypnosis efforts.
SHANNON'S PERSONAL BACKGROUND
Personally, yes I do have an all organic garden -- an edible veggie garden, used to have a dozen hand raised, spoiled chickens, and I still have a labyrinth garden made from my yard. I am a straight (and LGBTQ affirmative, SOFFA), cisgender, homeschooling mom, married for 26+ years to my Dreamboat fellow.
Anti-Racism We can't get by with calling ourselves ally from having a friendly and accepting attitude, and reading great anti-racism books. We white people have work to do to step it up and break out of a white bubble to listen closely without defensiveness, educate ourselves while taking more action to instigate needed change. We can learn to deep breathe and keep our white tears to ourselves from our feelings being hurt when discussing race or racism. We can find a way to bring our special skills to contribute to the Black community in America. White people who ask why they should do anything different, consider for a second that this might be true. Being Black in America started with extremely crushing, heartbreaking and intolerable conditions that persisted for decades, and generations much of which you probable never learned about in school. So why now step up and be anti-racist in action? Because it is still heartbreaking to have white Americans and US systems continue to crush Black Americans and to attempt to stop you from knowing the truth. If you don't see it, then go search for @shaunking on Instagram, or his Breakdown podcast. Just recently many of us mobilized to get Alabama legislature and governor to stop the execution of Nate Woods, but no, he was murdered anyway. Nate is just one example of how our systems remain utterly crushing for Black Americans. If you don't see it, you are definitely in a white bubble. Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, Elijah McClain Eric Garner, Keaton Otis, Philando Castile, Tamir Rice..this page could fill with the names and reasons why I make antiracism work my everyday focus.
After attending Race Talks in Portland for years to see experts on race related topics and organizations, and discuss in small groups, I was accepted into the Race Talks Facilitation training. The 100 hour training starts with an intensive weekend and then ongoing training monthly while also doing facilitation at the discussion tables each month of Race Talks. I reached my 100 hours in 2019 (now at 300+) and was also part of the cohort who were facilitators at a local bar association for lawyers and judges who signed up for ceus on rooting out racism in the courtroom and related environment. We also brought our facilitation on microaggressions to SCRAW and did an Australia edition once everything went virtual in 2020. We provided antiracism New Student Orientation for Lewis and Clark college. We were the team hired to bring the anti-racism conversation to the Chief of Police and the Portland Mayor in our public forum (2021). We brought a Progressive Stacking Order workshop to the international SCRAW online conference (2021). We provided the Diversity workshops to all the Fall, 2021 law students at SULC. Race Talks gave me the inspiration to create a Reparations Offer so that I can put my expertise as a relationship repair and support specialist into the hands of Black Americans who want a counselor who can see and talk about race related aspects in the relationship. My Reparations Offer makes it so that Black American couples can see me for free or can make a donation to me or to an organization of their choice. I know it is not actual sufficient reparations-but the idea is on track-a resource redirection on the micro level-we just have work to do to scale it up to the systems at work in America.
CREATIVITY THEN AND NOW
I think the road not taken for me would have been art and performance, as I was active in theatre as a teen and young adult. You will see that influence on my presentations -- they are fun, sometimes filled with acting or improv, and other creativity. My creativity drives me to do things I never imagined doing like a performance autobiography one woman show in 2001, or a ridiculously detailed art glass and Mexican clay tile mosaic floor, or that labyrinth garden in my front yard.
Fun facts about me and Beat Poets: I met Allen Ginsberg and Lawrence Ferlinghetti, and squandered both opportunities for deep conversation about Beat poets and their works instead opting to discuss the furniture at City Lights, and in Ginsberg's case-rehashing one of his drunken parties (twice). (EFT note to self: "Even though I talked only superficial topics with my Beat poet literary heroes, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.")
My wacky sense of humor I am sure is born from being raised by a pack of wild alcoholics, several of them narcissistic, or violent (oh and years of therapy). I became very familiar with 12-step programs from the age of 5 when my grandmother took me with her to AA back in the 60s. Amazing free self help is tucked away in those meetings. Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA), and Codependents Anonymous (CODA) helped me through my 20s. I worked at many chemical dependency hospitals, and psych treatment facilities while in college. I spent a few years working intensely as a county social worker with families that have a drug exposed newborn, some in prison, who are involved in court and often foster care, and doing what they can to get sober and learn to parent in sobriety. People in recovery, returning to the community from jail, or seeking support that will not encourage you to obtain psychiatric meds (see www.rethinkingpsychiatry.org) are among some groups of people that feel that warm welcome at Relationship Gardening.
WHY THE TRANSGENDER FOCUSED NICHE? ARE YOU OR YOUR HUSBAND TRANS?
Many clients that have one person in the relationship that is trans have been in for successful marriage repair and support as well as assistance in supporting the non trans partner in navigating the coming out process. When the first one of these couples sought out support for the non trans spouse in a group form, we searched. At that time there were no spouse groups in town, although they had been tried unsuccessfully according to a trans clinic director. After consulting with colleagues who have transgender focused clinics-and getting encouragement from them to go ahead and start the group-Spouses Group for cis spouses of mates who are trans (includes nonbinary) was born. It has grown into a thriving and supportive community in Portland, Oregon, now online for OR and CA. From this more good things were rolled out like couples workshops, groups, and retreats just for the transgender and cis combination in relationships. I do have close family and friends all over the rainbow, including trans which isn't to say that adds any extra qualification. It does make it clear to me how important it is like any marginalized community, for transitioning relationships to have access to the best practices of relationships that we know of.
That's alot about me-now what's next for you?
Is it time for you to get some Relationship Gardening and tools for growing love? If not now, when? Call me! 503 348-0405.
EDUCATION AND LICENSING
After my Bachelor's in Child Development, I earned my Master's in Counseling with Marriage and Family emphasis, and I have 2 licenses. For Californians, I have a Marriage and Family Therapy license (LMFT MFT34477), and in Oregon I have a Professional Counselor's license (LPC C2379).
GOTTMAN STUFF
The exciting part came after all that grad schooling -- receiving training by Dr. John Gottman with the Gottman Relationship Institute, from which I learned all the cool research-related stuff that makes a HUGE difference in making marriage work. I received Level 1 training back in 2000 when it was a combination of 2 levels. In 2010 I took part in the first ever Science of Trust in Seattle-the Gottmans spending the day with professionals like me to reveal their findings and protocols on affairs, betrayals, porn addiction and rebuilding trust. In 2011, I did Level II Advanced Training in Gottman Method Couples' Therapy: Assessments, Interventions and Co-Morbidities. And I was in San Diego in 2015 attending the then new Gottman workshop to assist Couples in Recovery from addictions.
Some have asked me why I am not on the Gottman Referral Network list. I am not interested in paying the required $$$ per month to do so, but I was one of the first Level 2 clinicians invited to by the institute. The Advanced training certificate is in my office or in the photo here if you wish to look 'er over, although it does not make me a "Certified" Gottman couples therapist which is reserved for those who have done the final track of training- a supervision track requiring submitting videos of sessions, for example. I only felt comfortable sharing videos (with permission of course) as a student where folks enter into the counseling knowing counselors are supervised, sometimes live or by making video samples and sharing with the supervisor or supervision group. It is much dfferent now as a therapist with a clientele that expects and receives the utmost in guarding privacy, many around transgender coming out events.
Word of mouth of my success with couples having one person coming out as transgender really cements my decision not to ask my clients to share videos of their sessions-privacy is sometimes also about life preserving safety.
For 14 years I provided Gottman Institute marriage assessment packs to my clients, but as of 2015, I am an Approved Member of the Gottman Relationship Check-up option, a couple's assessment for getting your marriage checked out much quicker than the old school paper copy method. This option is only available through a licensed clinician, who can refer you to (as of 2020) a new streamlined edition. The new edition is the Enhanced Relationship Check Up. You can get research derived and validated information about your strengths and areas that need work pronto by completing the questionnaires online and returning to the referring therapist to discuss the findings.
WHY A MARRIAGE FRIENDLY THERAPIST?
According to Dr. Bill Dougherty, 80% of therapists surveyed said they treat couples and almost none of them had any training. This is dangerous to couples to consult with a professional who is doing what feels good or what they guess at is helpful without knowing and using the existing research. Seek out counselors who have training. Ask about it: what it is-what was the gist of it? How does the counselor's couples' training stand apart as truly useful to relationships?
I figured-why mess around with the lives, hearts, time, trust of couples by just doing whatever sounds good? I look to the leader in expert knowledge on couples-The Gottman Institute and learn from the best in the world.
For years I was on the National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists-originally the Dr. Bill Dougherty screened list-because I am an advanced couples' therapist with education, training, licensure, skills and philosophy that if you come for help as a couple, that you should get help making that relationship work. A broken marriage is not reason for a therapist to encourage divorce, or abdicate the job of repair. I expect that if you are coming in for assistance, it is likely your marriage is in crisis-and that is what I do-deliver solid understanding and tools to repair or support you through.
These results or any others are not guaranteed.
MIND OVER MOOD
I have also had cognitive (looking at how thoughts drive moods) therapy training by Christine Padesky, of the Newport Beach Cognitive Therapy Institute back in the 90's. Dr Padesky authored a practical book and workbook (among many others) to help depression and anxiety states, Mind Over Mood.
DR. MICHAEL YAPKO, Clinical Hypnosis and Strategic Psycotherapy Training.
A dream come true-being in this 100+ hours of training over more than half of 2022 with the world's leader in training therapists in hypnosis. The first thing I learned is how hypnosis is amplifying what you want to have improve in your life through a focusing experience-much like guided imagery or conversational meditation with specific goals you create. The practicing I am doing so far is a messy combination of stumbling around while learning and seeing benefits in all of us from even newbie hypnosis efforts.
SHANNON'S PERSONAL BACKGROUND
Personally, yes I do have an all organic garden -- an edible veggie garden, used to have a dozen hand raised, spoiled chickens, and I still have a labyrinth garden made from my yard. I am a straight (and LGBTQ affirmative, SOFFA), cisgender, homeschooling mom, married for 26+ years to my Dreamboat fellow.
Anti-Racism We can't get by with calling ourselves ally from having a friendly and accepting attitude, and reading great anti-racism books. We white people have work to do to step it up and break out of a white bubble to listen closely without defensiveness, educate ourselves while taking more action to instigate needed change. We can learn to deep breathe and keep our white tears to ourselves from our feelings being hurt when discussing race or racism. We can find a way to bring our special skills to contribute to the Black community in America. White people who ask why they should do anything different, consider for a second that this might be true. Being Black in America started with extremely crushing, heartbreaking and intolerable conditions that persisted for decades, and generations much of which you probable never learned about in school. So why now step up and be anti-racist in action? Because it is still heartbreaking to have white Americans and US systems continue to crush Black Americans and to attempt to stop you from knowing the truth. If you don't see it, then go search for @shaunking on Instagram, or his Breakdown podcast. Just recently many of us mobilized to get Alabama legislature and governor to stop the execution of Nate Woods, but no, he was murdered anyway. Nate is just one example of how our systems remain utterly crushing for Black Americans. If you don't see it, you are definitely in a white bubble. Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, Elijah McClain Eric Garner, Keaton Otis, Philando Castile, Tamir Rice..this page could fill with the names and reasons why I make antiracism work my everyday focus.
After attending Race Talks in Portland for years to see experts on race related topics and organizations, and discuss in small groups, I was accepted into the Race Talks Facilitation training. The 100 hour training starts with an intensive weekend and then ongoing training monthly while also doing facilitation at the discussion tables each month of Race Talks. I reached my 100 hours in 2019 (now at 300+) and was also part of the cohort who were facilitators at a local bar association for lawyers and judges who signed up for ceus on rooting out racism in the courtroom and related environment. We also brought our facilitation on microaggressions to SCRAW and did an Australia edition once everything went virtual in 2020. We provided antiracism New Student Orientation for Lewis and Clark college. We were the team hired to bring the anti-racism conversation to the Chief of Police and the Portland Mayor in our public forum (2021). We brought a Progressive Stacking Order workshop to the international SCRAW online conference (2021). We provided the Diversity workshops to all the Fall, 2021 law students at SULC. Race Talks gave me the inspiration to create a Reparations Offer so that I can put my expertise as a relationship repair and support specialist into the hands of Black Americans who want a counselor who can see and talk about race related aspects in the relationship. My Reparations Offer makes it so that Black American couples can see me for free or can make a donation to me or to an organization of their choice. I know it is not actual sufficient reparations-but the idea is on track-a resource redirection on the micro level-we just have work to do to scale it up to the systems at work in America.
CREATIVITY THEN AND NOW
I think the road not taken for me would have been art and performance, as I was active in theatre as a teen and young adult. You will see that influence on my presentations -- they are fun, sometimes filled with acting or improv, and other creativity. My creativity drives me to do things I never imagined doing like a performance autobiography one woman show in 2001, or a ridiculously detailed art glass and Mexican clay tile mosaic floor, or that labyrinth garden in my front yard.
Fun facts about me and Beat Poets: I met Allen Ginsberg and Lawrence Ferlinghetti, and squandered both opportunities for deep conversation about Beat poets and their works instead opting to discuss the furniture at City Lights, and in Ginsberg's case-rehashing one of his drunken parties (twice). (EFT note to self: "Even though I talked only superficial topics with my Beat poet literary heroes, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.")
My wacky sense of humor I am sure is born from being raised by a pack of wild alcoholics, several of them narcissistic, or violent (oh and years of therapy). I became very familiar with 12-step programs from the age of 5 when my grandmother took me with her to AA back in the 60s. Amazing free self help is tucked away in those meetings. Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA), and Codependents Anonymous (CODA) helped me through my 20s. I worked at many chemical dependency hospitals, and psych treatment facilities while in college. I spent a few years working intensely as a county social worker with families that have a drug exposed newborn, some in prison, who are involved in court and often foster care, and doing what they can to get sober and learn to parent in sobriety. People in recovery, returning to the community from jail, or seeking support that will not encourage you to obtain psychiatric meds (see www.rethinkingpsychiatry.org) are among some groups of people that feel that warm welcome at Relationship Gardening.
WHY THE TRANSGENDER FOCUSED NICHE? ARE YOU OR YOUR HUSBAND TRANS?
Many clients that have one person in the relationship that is trans have been in for successful marriage repair and support as well as assistance in supporting the non trans partner in navigating the coming out process. When the first one of these couples sought out support for the non trans spouse in a group form, we searched. At that time there were no spouse groups in town, although they had been tried unsuccessfully according to a trans clinic director. After consulting with colleagues who have transgender focused clinics-and getting encouragement from them to go ahead and start the group-Spouses Group for cis spouses of mates who are trans (includes nonbinary) was born. It has grown into a thriving and supportive community in Portland, Oregon, now online for OR and CA. From this more good things were rolled out like couples workshops, groups, and retreats just for the transgender and cis combination in relationships. I do have close family and friends all over the rainbow, including trans which isn't to say that adds any extra qualification. It does make it clear to me how important it is like any marginalized community, for transitioning relationships to have access to the best practices of relationships that we know of.
That's alot about me-now what's next for you?
Is it time for you to get some Relationship Gardening and tools for growing love? If not now, when? Call me! 503 348-0405.
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