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Is Change Possible in Relationships?

7/23/2014

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Is Change Possible in Relationships? How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? 
None.  The light bulb will change itself when it's ready.  
But, are we born with this information?  Did your relationship come with instructions?

Is your mother, sister, brother, father, neighbor, lover, boss, sponsor, right about what it takes to make a marriage last?  Not likely, but maybe they read up. 

Maybe you got lucky and asked someone on the long lasting, happy path.  But what works may seem to be one thing and really be another.  

The research shows us that everyone has disagreement in some of the basic areas: money, kids-especially babies, in-laws, chore division, work, and sex.  It is not that having these conflicts is your problem, nor is it the thing that will cause you to divorce.  How you approach your hot topics is what makes or breaks you, not that there are hot topics.  And that, my friend, is heavily influenced by your everyday interactions when not in conflict. And for some, traumas mess things up by shortening your fuse as a result of a fight or flight habit that is stuck in the on position. WE can do something about that!!!

I know you are seeking.  What will it take to get you in a conversation about how we can make this better?  Doing nothing is choosing relationship demise.   You will not know if you have given your relationship a fair chance to be a good one if you haven't applied the healthy love habits we know are present in marriages that thrive.  They are not optional so it would make sense that marriages fall apart without them.  So let's get them rolling for you! 
Since you made it this far I invite you to do the following on your way to making a better choice than same old, same old.    You can go to my Free Gift tab and get your copy of something I call "Love Habits," or use the blue sign up box that says "Love Habits" anywhere on the relationshipgardening.weebly.com site. 
Or just call or write today (see "connect with Shannon at top right of any page).
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    Shannon Batts, Relationship Gardener, Portland, Oregon. 

    Marriage help or LGBTQi? and straight couples that aims to keep growing out of heterosexism, racism, ageism, SESism (I made that one up because economist doesn't fit)  to be a better listener, in support of the value of curiosity, connection, and intimacy without constant distraction, uh... can you put the phone down please?


    Oh, and adopt a houserabbit!

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How to find a good marriage counselor?  Ask Shannon Batts in Portland, Oregon.  Note from Shannon: Make sure they have advanced training (not just degrees and licenses) with couples, can describe what they learned and how they deliver it to you, and are also HAPPILY married! Can they speak to their privilege or marginalizations and how they impact counseling with you?
Shannon Batts, Licensed Professional Counselor of Portland, Oregon, lic# C2379, and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for Californians, lic# MFT 34477, is Marriage Friendly, with better than neutrality toward the outcome of your life long love commitment. Shannon Batts is a Portland, Oregon counselor, with advanced skills, education and training in assisting couples (extremely rare among counselors). Lesbian, gay, trans, mixed gender identity, questioning gender, nonbinary, and straight couples of all ages seek out tools and support for their relationships from Shannon Batts. Shannon trains ongoingly to be antiracist and is a facilitator and consultant at Race Talks PDX. Transgender, Black Americans, or unhoused clients will find amazing flexibility in counseling rates if you need it because you've been through enough!


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www.couplesintransition.com and www.spousesgroup.com also arrive here at https://relationshipgardening.com/
so as to direct couples facing gender transition to excellence in support for making it through transition together.

Electronic/internet based communication is not a guarantee of privacy as it is always subject to security breach or hacking. You do maintain the right to email, text or video chat regardless of the risk.
 Shannon is the counselor's counselor where couples go to grow a happy marriage, with Gottman research based relationship and marriage help and telehealth video sessions.  Marriage Counseling, couples' coaching, premarital counseling, help for transgender or non binary coming out in marriage, support for spouses of transgender or non binary partners, couples group for transgender partners and cisgender spouses, questioning gender in your marriage, gender affirming referral letters, marriage retreats, marriage workshops, antiracist coaching for engaged couples, antiracism groups for white people, antiracism couples groups, antiracism groups for professionals, custom antiracism groups, marriage affairs or adultery, porn or sex addiction or compulsion in your marriage, couples communication training-whatever you call it-make sure your best marriage counseling choice in CA, or in Portland, Oregon has Advanced Gottman Institute aka Relationship Research Institute training.  A Gottman trained therapist like Shannon Batts knows how to move couples from sticky negativity to a garden of new possibilities from the very first couples' session.  Services available by Zoom for all of CA and OR. relationshipgardening.com

Photos used under Creative Commons from starsandspirals, frankieleon, starsandspirals, Jack Snell - USA